You are not alone...

If you're thinking that you might be the only one out there wanting to ask for money as a wedding gift, you're not alone in this.

As I had written in the last post, American Express developed a "Wedding Etiquette" survey with the help of Emily Post (emilypost.com) back in 2001 as part of a $20,000 Dream Wedding promotion in which American Express, WeddingChannel.com and The Emily Post Institute, Inc. offered two lucky couples $20,000 toward their dream weddings. The survey was conducted via WeddingChannel.com from January-March 2001, with more than 66,000 brides- and grooms-to-be responding. 42% of those surveyed were concerned with "how to request money as a wedding gift" so obviously, at least 42% of them wanted money as a wedding gift.

In 2000, the wedding web site giant corporation, The Knot conducted a wedding-gift poll and "today's brides and grooms would much rather receive cash gifts for their weddings over traditional items." 45% percent rank money on top of their wish lists.

As part if their survey, they asked how much did they expect their guests to spend.
66% expected their guests to spend $50-$100
18% expected less than $50
16% expected $100-$200
and 1.5% expected over $200!

Shameless plug for WeddingFutures.com here - the portfolio registries offered - Conservative, Moderate, and Agressive (all named for their unique risk tolerances) as well as the Socially Responsible and the Green portfolio registries all contain a wide range of stocks and mutual funds of varying prices so your guests are able to invest as much as they're comfortable doing.
-keaton

Is it in poor taste to ask for money?

This question is bound to come up and well it should. For some reason, the gift of money at weddings have been deemed crass but what most don't know is that the gift of money is very common at Asian, Jewish, Middle Eastern, and other cultural weddings. They're usually presented in a little envelope and dropped in a box at the sign-in table or given when the couple visits the tables to thank everyone for coming.

But I want to reference a THE source in etiquette - Emily Post at EmilyPost.com. Post wrote back in May 23, 2001 that it is OK to ask for money, in fact of the 66,000 couples surveyed, 42% wanted to know how to ask for money. From Emily Post:

According to Post, it’s okay to ask for money as a wedding gift, however, it is extremely important to do so politely. Here are some of Post’s suggestions:

• If money is the gift you would most appreciate, get the word out to family and close friends.
• If you are asked point blank what you would like, you might say, “Whatever you want to give us is wonderful, the choice is yours, but money is at the top of our wish list.”
• It’s also a good idea to state the intended purpose. Perhaps you are saving for a down payment on a house or your honeymoon. Guests will then know how their gift may be used.

Indeed, monetary gifting is a preferred bridal gift among couples and guests alike. Post points out that wedding guests, too, often ask if money is an acceptable gift. In a word, Post replies: absolutely.

- keaton

Wedding registries - how to ask for money and not ask for money...

There's a lot of etiquette in wedding registries that if you're not careful, you'll end up stepping squarely onto one of those land mines.

First, you're not supposed to include where you're registered in the wedding invitations. Very well. If so, then how do your generous wedding guests know where you're registered to get you what you want? You don't want them to going from one store to the next asking if you're registered there. And you certainly don't want them to just take a guess and end up with a hundred gravy boats. The traditional or conventional way was for the guests to ask the parents or those in the wedding party where you're registered. That's a lot of phone calls and a bit of a burden on those you're already relying on for your wedding.

Fortunately, the Web has a nice solution. Many people, my wife and I included, put up an informational page that informs wedding guests of the details of the wedding like time, place, hotel accomodations, etc. You can also post photos, tell the story of how you met, and, to the point of this post, where you're registered. This informs your guest without them having to ask. You just include the URL for your website in your wedding invitation.

Putting together this web site is a lot easier than it sounds, even for you Luddites. If you're brave or are familiar with web sites, you can register your own domain and create your own site. If you want to go the easier route, lots of companies like The Wedding Channel or mywedding.com allows you to create your own mini-site on their site.

Second, you want to ask for money but the consensus is that's deemed crass. I'll save that for another post. So, how do you ask for money without asking for money. You can do what people normally do...you register for a bunch of stuff, return it for store credit, and use that store credit for later whenever they need something. It's not really money but it's almost the same thing. The ironic thing is that you could use that store credit to buy some gift for one of your guest's events...so you're kind of re-gifting but not really re-gifting! :)

At WeddingFutures.com, you can register for a portfolio of stocks. Your wedding guests able to make purchases from your registry with their credit card or paypal account. With the funds in your wedding registry, you're able to either take the money and run or actually buy the stocks you registered for.

In the end, it's a win-win-win situation - your parents and wedding party don't have to answer questions about where you're registered, your guests have an easy way to purchase your wedding gift, and most importantly, you get the gifts that will really help your marriage.

- keaton

How we got to where we are...

If you're wondering where I got the idea for weddingfutures.com, it's a little simple but I'll make the story longer with some history.

I got the idea years ago after noticing all my friends and family members who had gotten married talk about the wedding gifts. There wasn't a single couple that didn't return at least a few things and many who tried to return as many as they could to get store credit. Why were they returning all these gift? Didn't they want the gifts? They did ask for them, didn't they?

I did some thinking and talking and came upon the answers to those question which I'll present in reverse order:
Didn't they ask for them? Yes.
Didn't they want those gifts? No.
Why were they returning all these gifts? Because they didn't really want them in the first place. The wedding registry was just part of what you did when you got married.

I assumed, like many people, that the origin of the tradition of wedding gifts and registry was that the wedding guests wanted to help the newlyweds with all the household stuff to start their lives together. It may have become that way but from the research I've done, that's not how it started.

Originally, weddings were intended for the bride and groom to have their guests witness the marriage ceremony and the vows as well as to share in the celebration. While gift were optional, many guests brought small token gifts. There are competing theories as to the evolution of the wedding gifts. One theory is that some bride and grooms and families felt that for the expense of showing their guests a good time, the guests should reciprocate by providing nice gifts. It should be noted that no etiquette book or rule condones this belief. Another theory is that since brides and grooms were marrying with few assets, guests brought household gifts to help them begin their marriage - this is the one that many people follow.

And then in 1924, Marshall Fields in Chicago was the first to create a wedding registry. Many other companies would soon follow.

But it's a whole new world. Couples are marrying later for one reason or another but typically because both have a career. Many of those couples are living on their own either separately or together meaning they already have a household full of stuff. When my wife and I got married, we had plenty of household items that we ended up giving away most of the duplicate items. If we had registered with the usual places and had gotten the usual stuff, we'd have to find a place to put the stuff we couldn't return.

So the the thinking was if the wedding guests wanted to give today's brides and grooms something that would help them start our lives, a gravy boat or an 8-piece set of china isn't much help. But some help towards the down payment of a house would. Or something toward the cost of a child. Things that really matter.

And that's where I came up with weddingfutures.com - a wedding registry of stocks and mutual funds. The wedding guests are essentially investing the the bride & groom's marriage.
- keaton

It's alive!! It's alive!! IT'S ALIVE!!!

We sent out a press release only Tuesday September 15th, 2009 and we're already getting some good coverage and attention. The press release can be read here on Business Wire - Click here for the press release.

The truth is, WeddingFutures.com has been in pilot for about a year with positive reviews from the brides & grooms as well as from the gift givers. To paraphrase the Hair Club For Men line, "I'm not only the Founder, I'm also a client!" Yes, my wife and I used it when we got married last year and a lot of people thought it was a great and innovative way to give a gift.

We hope you'll spread the word about WeddingFutures.com and continue reading this blog!

- keaton